Wednesday, August 09, 2006

It's My Birthday!

Yesterday was "that day" for me. The day when most people stop counting how old they are with numbers and begin the word problems. For example:
Emily is celebrating the first anniversary of the day she turned 29. How old is Emily
-or-
the 9th anniversary of her 21st.
-or-
The ratio of life lived to life left is <1/3

The posiblities are endless. I don't think this will be my course of action. Word problems confuse me anyway. I have been surprized how it has all hit, 2 months ago I got really excited, I began answering the "how old are you" question with "Almost 30!" Then this week as I told Tim he was approching his last chance to make out with a girl in her twenty's, I began to ponder 30 more like the way normal people do "am I losing my youth?"

Embracing age has never been a problem for me. There were too many Dr's and such that said I wouldn't have any age to embrace. So I suppose it is that part of me that sits here the day after and thinks of a word problem that goes more like this:

Emily is 1/3 of the way to 90yrs. She has learned in that 1/3, more than she could hope to learn in the next 2/3, She has accomplished less inthat 1/3, than she will by default accomplish in the next 2/3, And she is growing closer to her home with each passing day.

So what I am looking forward to in the next 2/3 (pending of course that I have 2/3 left)?

I am looking forward to learning the Spirit's path. Especialy how to listen to it, and follow with blind faith. I am looking forward to learning love. How to love, and how to accept love. How to recognize love from others when it does not look the way mine would. How to give love to others who do not love the way I do. All, I think are quite lofty goals for 60 yrs.

Mostly however, I look forward to Tim. I have 1/3 (roughly) of my 30 years with my beloved Tim. I already can't tell where he stops and I start, I don't remember a time without him and I have only known him 1/3 of my life, yet I learn more about him every day. I am looking forward to turning that ratio on it's head. so ask me what it's like on my 60th birthday when I will have only spent 1/3 of my life without him. God grows us closer every day, that, I am very much looking forward to

So, 30 feels good. It is, at least for me, one of those default accomplishments I could have never made at 29 no matter how hard I tried.

Monday, August 07, 2006

How Do I look?

So I was talking with a newly married friend the other day about "How do I look?" She has not been married long enough to know to steer away from such a question. Why? Because any God fearing man in his right mind is actually going to answer the question. Most of the time we ask this question after searching and searching through our closet to find just one thing suitable to the event and we know it is the only thing left to leave any kind of dignity intact. So we get dressed and ask our poor unsuspecting husbands "How do I look?" Tim and I have this worked out, I tell him exactly what I want to hear and he is glad to oblige "Tell me I'm beautiful." I can say at any time and he will respond with enthusiasm "You're beautiful." Most times he even steps it up a notch to "You're gorgeous." or "you're the most beautiful woman in the world." I Love it! I know it may seem lame to others but I don't have unrealistic expectations for him to read my mind and it works well. I have had people tell me it isn't the same if they have to ask. But if it is important it is worth asking for.

Men at Work

It's a funny thing, Men at work. Right now we are having our sewer re routed. Exciting, I know, but it is something we have been needing to do for about two years now. Although I am glad to get it done I feel trapped. Yep, that's it just trapped. OK trapped and a little anxious. We usually tackle enormous projects like this, by ourselves, with no help, no experience and no knowledge of what we're doing. So to leave it up to the professionals just makes me nervous. We considered tackling this by ourselves. Anyone can dig a hole, right? We have friends with machinery.

Today, I will sit and "supervise" (from the front bedroom) until I can no longer go to the bathroom then I will leave, but I will still feel anxious... and trapped. I will feel like I have to get back home because I am the homeowner and I have to make any unforseen decisions. That's the man's job. Yes this was supposed to be done last week when the man was home. Today is his first day back at his real job. If it wasn't for those people with the slab leaks it would have been done last Thursday, darn plumbing emergencies. So I find myself opening blinds to look out and wondering what it's like out there, and trapped. Probably not nearly so much as the dog however. They are doing exactly what Nestle has dreamed of her whole life: Digging up the entire back yard! And she can't help or watch or study technique, or go potty, or leave. So I suppose I have a cell mate.

Tonight the project will be completed and waiting for inspection. Tomorrow the long deep hole will be filled in and the plumbers will take an enormous amount of money from me. All that will be left is figuring out a way to keep Nestle from digging it up again. Why aren't there professionals for that?

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Rock and a hard place

It's the proverbial rock and hard place. I must say, if I would learn to keep my mouth shut I wouldn't have nearly so much to concern myself with.

Thus the rock:
I was at a staff meeting and my boss asks "So what do ya'll think about E-tools" the room becomes a buzz with "I love ... It's great when ... My members just adore ... " and me totally in awe of the whole situation. You really must understand you can hardly navigate this web site, even entering a search is abnormal. So (keep in mind she asked what we thought) I said "I just plain don't like it" figuring there would be at least one other person that would feel the same way. There wasn't, and I got the idea immediately that she really didn't want to know what we thought. She proceeded to go into how we are going to be expected to push this part of the program and we all need to get more familiar with E-tools.

So, the hard place:
I get an email from my boss that there will be a contest to see who can locate 14 things on this medieval site and if your correct you will be in a prize drawing. Now this is not mandatory thank goodness but I try it out any way to make a few brownie points. After an hour and a half of 3 questions I was done. Now I hate the stupid E-tools even more! I don't think this was the desired result. I couldn't help but think that growing my disinterest into hatred was not a good idea. But I opened my mouth at staff meeting. Am I vane or will my boss be watching and waiting to see if I (me specifically) did the exercise or not?

So here is my miff with the whole thing:
Too many people ask questions that they don't really want the answer to. Are we afraid of the truth or do we not prepare for it. Are we just naive and think that every one thinks exactly the same way we do. When will I learn all the canned answers for all the stupid questions people really don't want answers to.