My Acorn Family

When I was very young Mom and Dad owned a Bakery/Burger joint in Abilene called Virginia Lee's Pie Shop. We all just called it The Pie Shop. It is Full of Memories, not the least of which is my acorn family.

My sister Amy and I spent a lot of time at the Pie Shop because we could do odd jobs and when it got busy, could be left alone for the most part in the on site office. For a 4-6 year old kid the Lunch run could last an eternity.

Every day the bank deposit had to be made and the Bank was three doors down from the Pie Shop. Outside the bank there was an enormous Oak Tree. Every year, like every other oak tree, it would drop thousands of acorns to be seeded, gathered by squirrels, or trampled. So, On the way to make the bank deposit one day, holding my mothers hand, we began trampling. Watching, amazed at how many there were, I discovered how the acorns looked like little people pods, with little hats! Epiphany! Suddenly my acorn family evolved. I gathered up a Momma, and a Momma hat, a Daddy and a Daddy hat, and a Emily and a Emily hat. I took them all back to the office at the Pie Shop and played.

If they were going out they wore their hats. If they got somewhere they took their hats off. And they all had a nice comfortable napkin bed to sleep in. Who needs Barbie and her gi-normous mansion? I was perfectly content with my little acorn family. (I also think Amy was jealous because I had cool toys and she didn't)

So Why do I take the Time to blog about it? Well,Tim and I were taking a walk down the lovely river walk in Belton. We ran out of things to talk about apparently because I began to tell him reminiscent stories of the Pie Shop. A lovely acorn sparked my memory, and he said he would take my picture.


That's me, the short one in the middle. : )

What to do With Myself

Last Thursday afternoon I was on my way to Taco Bell on 31st for a late lunch after work and before an eye doctor's appointment. I had about an hour and a half of time to kill, not really enough to get anything I needed to do done. I had asked myself so much what I wanted to do that I began singing "Just don't know what to do with myself, don't know just what to do with myself..."(the version in the karaoke scene of My Best Friend's Wedding). After I had gone over all the things I didn't want to do I was walking into the restaurant. I noticed a man with long gray hair, a goatee, (that needed cleaning up), and a few tattoos, leaning against a telephone pole (or the like) with a few bags of groceries at his feet. I began talking to myself,
"that's odd. He must be waiting on a ride"...
"It would have to be a friend, I don't see a bus stop, and he would be nearer the road if that were it"...
"I bet he is just fine." I ordered my food and sat down where I could watch him, just in case. He was obviously waiting on someone. He kept looking left, right, left, behind, then I noticed a brace on his knee. I kept talking to myself,
"I wonder what that is"...
"I wonder if he has been at Scott and White"... (the hospital a scant block away)
"maybe he walked over to get groceries before going home"...
"He certainly can't walk where ever it is he is going."
Uh Oh. there it was. Did you catch it? Now I had no choice, I was going to have to find out if this dude was OK. Then having a conversation - with myself,
"Crap. God? I don't want to ask this guy if he is OK. Besides, what can I do, I don't even have a cell phone. It's not like I can drive him home, He is a perfect stranger. "
"he probably wouldn't be any more interested in that than you would"
"But still, there is nothing I can do. Well, I do suppose I could track down a phone better than he could."
"What if something happened to his ride? What if he could call his ride? What if his ride is laying dead on the highway somewhere and he will be stranded for life because no one knows where he is and someone like you could alter his life forever if you would just go up and ask him if he is OK!!!!" (that last part was just for dramatic emphasis - mostly)
"OK God, Fine. But I am going to finish my Diet Coke first and give his friend a few minutes longer to show up."
"Fair enough." (yes, I said conversation with myself)

I decided to go out the far door which would put me closest to him as I walked to my car. I would casually look back ask "Hey, you OK?" he would answer "Yea, just waitin' on my ride" and all would be right with the world again.

After refilling my soda I walked out the far door and lo and behold he spoke to me first!
"Do you know what time it is" he called out
"I can find out" I said and walked back into the building chuckling to myself. when I came out again he was turned back into his concentrated left right searching. Instead of yelling I thought it nicer to go up to him.
"It's 1:45" I reported, "are you OK?"
"Yea, I'm just waiting on the bus it's an hour late"
"Wow, So you've been out here for an hour with your groceries waiting on the bus?" I clarified
He had a very friendly disposition to be in such circumstances
"Yea, Somethin' must have happened but they don't send anyone around to let you know or anything."
Knowing the only real thing I could do was take him home I asked, "Where 'bouts you headed"
"Oh I live downtown right behind the post office down there off Main"
As I thought to myself "that's a long way"I replied. "So you're just going home then?"
"Yea." he turned again to gaze along the road for the bus.
I pondered about the chances of someone on the prowl buying groceries, and a leg brace, and standing on the corner by what I could now see was a bus stop, looking for the off chance that someone besides the bus would come by to pick them up. Then I reminded myself that I didn't know what to do with myself for the hour and I was not in control of what happened to me anyway. So I offered "Well, I guess I could take you if you promise not to hurt me."
I could tell that 'hurt me' line took him aback.
"Well... OK"
followed by thanks to which I replied
"I think sometimes God puts us in places on purpose"
I cleaned out the front seat, introduced my self, and met Colby
"You know" he replied, "that is great. I think so too, there were a couple others that offered but they was real hesitant about it, not like you, like they didn't really want to, wasn't comfortable. But I didn't get that from you. God is just great"

He talked about how he had gotten spoiled by Austin's transit system, and that he used to street preach there and had a nice little park congregation, right around 6th street. WOW!!!! He asked me where I went to church so I told him hesitantly and got ready with my disclaimer. Sure enough he had been there and gotten 'some looks' showing up on his Harley, not dressed appropriately, with a buddy of his. Then he explained how he had found a nice church, small, close to home, that he was now enjoying.

"But this is what it's really about, this here!" excitedly he exclaimed as he literally bounced up and down in my front seat.
"I think it is fear that keeps us away from so much." I replied
We continued talking, I told him about how I had grown up on motorcycles and even had a picture of all three of my sisters and my dad on a bike at one time. He was quite intrigued at that one. I dropped him at his apartments and sadly that was it. As I drove away I thought, What a blessing.

It was one of those things God does for us that are just so incredible that you wouldn't believe it if you hadn't been there. I suppose God does know what to do with us even if we don't know what to do with ourselves.

I finished the Dress!

I did it, I finished the dress. It is the same one I told you about in what was I thinking.. (you can click on that, I would recommend it, this is the 2nd part of that story) I really did amaze myself with this one. It seems that adding straps to a strapless dress is not all that easy, not to mention getting it to look normal when my upper torso is not. So how did I do it?

I started with 4 strips of boning on the front and sides to keep it from folding under problem areas after a few minutes of wear. Then I started in on how to hold "the girls" up. After building patterns of bras, prototypes, and the bras themselves, I found myself asking what was I thinking. (Obviously I did not finish it while Tim was out of state either.) I made a bra out of regular cotton, bedspread material, and headliner (the stuff that is glued to the inside roof of cars), to name a few. it seemed the headliner worked the best even though the lady at the store gave me an "are you crazy" stare as she questioningly repeated "You are going to make a bra out of headliner?" Well she asked what I was doing with it. But it seems that you cannot get under-wires in my size either without special ordering and still it seemed to befuddle me how to attach it to the dress so that all is packaged securely. So, back to the drawing board. I didn't think ordering under-wires, when there was no guaranty they would fit, would be a good route to go. So I went to Wal-Mart.

I figured I could buy a cheap bra that was too big around and harvest the wires or the cups altogether. I ended up with a bra that didn't come close to fitting, anywhere. However, the wires were good and long and if I pulled the space from in between them it shoved them closer together and made a normal cut from a demi. After altering the bra in the middle, in the back, and cutting off the straps, I attached the ribbon to the bra instead of the dress (I had to get Tim's help.) Pulling and pinning what felt like 100 times, 'the girls' were done. I am very happy with the result, ok so I'm sucking in. It was all worth it.

I will get to wear it dancing Saturday night. I must say however, I am glad Tim hates to sit out dances because I may not be even if I want too.

Threads

Today the Temple Daily Telegram came to take pictures for an article about Threads of Love. One of the questions was "what keeps you doing this?" My first thought was "How should I know?"

Maybe a better way to phrase that question would be "Why are you dedicated to this". I learned how to sew 20 yrs ago when I wanted a new dress for my 10th birthday. My father who regularly took cars and motorcycles apart and put them back together again was amazed at my abilities (still is I think). Non-the-less 7 years ago when we moved to San Antonio I was introduced to a sewing ministry. It was for tiny premature children struggling to survive. Finally Something I could do! Something I am good at! I was involved for a year and we moved. When we moved here I decided to start the Central Texas Chapter of Threads of Love. I hauled sewing machines and fabric from our apartment 20miles away every other week and sewed mostly by myself in a classroom at the church for 6 months. It is very hard to be dedicated to something by oneself, but How could I get people to come? I decided to step it up, every week, this still meant hauling all that stuff back and forth and I still wasn't sure people would come. But they did. Now we serve (sometimes not so well) 4 hospitals: 3 NICU units, 2 labor and Delivery units, and can always use more hands. But what keeps me dedicated? I don't like being in charge, I would much prefer to sit and sew with no decision making, and sometimes I wonder whether or not it go on if I wasn't there. So, there again what is it that keeps me going?


As a ministry leader I have to guard myself and it surprises me, a lot, from what. Myself mostly. Feelings. I am easily offended when it comes to Threads of love. I view it as mine. It is not mine. I am surprised at how easy it is to get caught up in the day to day and begin to feel a burden. I get weary easily because I feel a burden and I feel it hard to ask for help because "they won't do it right." Do you know where I'm coming from?

I want others to be as dedicated as I am to the same thing that I am dedicated to. That is not going to happen. They are as unique as I am. Still that doesn't answer What Keeps ME dedicated. So maybe it is necessary to dig a little deeper. I think it is possible that God has been preparing me for this since I was 10 yrs old. Before that really, from all the years I watched my mother sew all of our Easter dresses. He has not done that for the other ladies. So how can I expect others to understand my dedication when they don't have the same preparation (and I don't seem to understand it myself). Maybe that is why I find it so hard to answer "what keeps you doing this" I don't really know anymore except that it seems to be what fills me in. What small thing I can do for God, after the enormity of what He has done for me.

Bottom Line? I think God really does prepare us for dedication by giving us a passion. A deep down passion, for something simple maybe, like sewing. Then He develops it into opportunity. It is not always a happy-go-get-it passion sometimes it is an I-can't-stop-if-I-want passion. It is important to also come along side others dedication Lord knows Ministry Leaders really need the help. But for me at least, to be truly dedicated, it had be to something God had prepared, something I was good at, and like to do. Other wise I could have never developed the I-can't-stop-if-I-want passion that leads to the dedication that I can't seem to explain. I would have stopped.

Fire

It's funny how God teaches us. A few days ago I blogged about how I don't understand God's perfect love and don't believe I ever will. Today, just the opposite. I don't understand God's tolerance. Lot's of books have been written on why bad things happen to good people. I have never read any of them. After a day like today however, I don't think it could really help.

I am the chapter head for the Central Texas Threads of Love, a national organization of people who sew clothes for babies in the hospital who are sick, premature, or have died unexpectedly. It is a place I can be God's hands. I am a good sewer, and feel this is a need I can fill. But I will never understand why babies die. There have been three times I have been personally contacted because of a death. One of those was today. I am very glad that I can do something small in the face of such tragedy but most of the time I simply drop off the clothes in a big bin at the hospital, the nurses come and pick things up as needed, and I personally don't see or hear from anyone. Hence, I have only had personal calls three times.

Today I came home from work to find three messages about one child. Today, it was the first child of a member of our church. God tells us that it is not his will that any should perish and although He may be speaking eternally, it seems He is very tolerant.

I will go to bed tonight sad, but this young mother will go to bed tonight and never be the same, today will become a part of her that colors who she is. It will also color her relationship with God, for better, worse, or maybe both. So, I wonder why God is so tolerant.

My friends and I are studying Ruth. In Ruth chapter 1 Naomi attributes all of her suffering to God. I don't do that. I attribute my suffering to Satan. I view my suffering as God's tolerance to Satan, sort of the way we see Job suffer and Satan's limits in that story. I don't believe that God does bad things to us. I do believe that we must have sorrow to know joy.

Cancer is a living part of me, even 15 yrs latter. It was awful, but my relationship with God grew from it. It makes me who I am today and I am happy with that. So, if offered the chance to omit that part of my life I would not take it. I think there is a large part of that person whom God needed to fill the Central Texas Threads of Love spot. However, I still don't understand why babies die.

I have faith that God works his purposes in spite of Satan and I will claim that on behalf of this mother. I know that I will never be able to understand a 4th dimensional concept in a 3 dimensional world. I see God's Love and his Tolerance on two extremes when I know it is all part of the whole: the refining fires of God's perfection.

So I pray God's strength for this family as they stand in the incomprehensible heat of the fire.

Refining

Our 9 th anniversary was last Wednesday May 30th. We took a small trip to a city close by, and played off the school year and on the summer. We talked about how much fun we have and how perfect God has made our love. We also tried to imagine what that love would become in the next 9 yrs, 20 yrs, 50 yrs; but we failed miserably. I think there is a part of me that can begin to understand why God cursed the earth and set us down in it, in these sad little packages we call bodies allowing us to continue. We were obviously not ready.

We were not ready for the abundant perfect love of God. We didn't understand it. Without knowing what it was like to not see and walk with God everyday; we took advantage and fell. Without the absence we did not fully appreciate the presence. God is preparing us individually to know. To know His Love, so we will learn to see it, and desire it, and so we will learn not to corrupt it

In my life He does that a lot with Tim. God says to me, "You see Emily, how Tim loves you? I created that! You were made to be married to Me and Tim is a picture of that. As I refine you, your body will fail, because it was not made to handle the weight of perfect love. Sure it can handle Cancer, but Love is bigger than that. Real Love is like a Cancer that consumes all of who you are. It affects everything."

I love that God made Tim my picture. My love for him does affect everything. I hate being away from him, yet I know that we are together even though apart. It is a picture God has given me that I can better understand, when I can't begin to understand God.

Tim left for the Grand Tetons today with his parents for 2 weeks. I miss him already. He is my other half, every thing I am not, he completes me. It will, however, be good for us to remember what its like not being around each other so that we can more fully appreciate each others presence. Less and less I remember life before Tim; where I stop and he starts. Nine years is not a long time but long enough to speculate what that is all about. I think I am growing to realize, our bodies are designed to be refined away as our understanding of love grows, making age simply a byproduct of learning how to love, how to be loved, and what love is. We will not ever fully know as we are known while we are still here. We can learn to love, and be loved maybe, but to know what love really is? Our bodies are too weak, the more we understand, the weaker they get, more refined if you will.

Praying for a long and happy life is common and most know that I am 'whatever' about the long part, but I think God did that on purpose. I can't imagine that my refining process could take as long as others with the beautiful love of my dearest husband by my side. Already, there are those days that I wonder how it could possibly get any deeper and yet it does. God has gifted me with the Love of a lifetime wrapped him in the finest package and called him Tim. So as long as Tim is here give me a long happy life and the three of us will deal with the refining fires of this earth together.

I love you Babe! Happy Anniversary! Have a ball in the Tetons!

What was I thinking

Have you ever started a project and thought "I can do that, a challenge maybe but it'll be fun" only to come to your senses half way through, when you are in too deep to turn back and have no idea where to go next? yup, that's where I am. A humbling place actually. We all need those now and again but do they always have to come up next to deadlines?

I am working on a dress that I bought, strapless. Your right I wouldn't be caught dead in a strapless anything. It all started because a good friend of mine (we'll call her Jane) has one almost exactly the same. I have always loved that dress! She has one of those short little jackets she wears with hers (the kind whose sleeves are it's only purpose) and she is adorable. So there I was in the store minding my own business when it leaped off the rack into my arms and struck up a conversation.
"Don't you wonder what you would look like in Jane's dress?" it said
"Well actually yes, but..,"
"then try me on!"
"what would be the purpose..."
" You don't have to purchase, Just try on"
"Your sleeveless"
"I'm cute"
'Your too small"
"you don't know that"
"Your boobs aren't big enough"
"Your not going to take me home remember. In, Out, Your done" This was a very pushy dress, I had to appease it, I didn't want it calling me from the store later on. So I took it to the dressing room.

I tried to stay in control of the situation, reminding myself that this was just to prove to myself that I could be as cute as Jane if only they would make dresses that my boobs would zip up in... "wow It might zip further than I expected... is zipping further than I expe... I zipped it! all the way! could this possibly be happening?" As I looked in the mirror I thought "I'm as cute as Jane, this is fun" I basked in the glory for a minute and reminded myself that I was still wearing a bra, they don't even make strapless ones in my size even if I did have a pair of sleeves (absolutely necessary) no wonder it was still there. I hung it back up as it whispered, "I'm Cheap"

Yes, those are the magic words but I was firm I took it to the lady (noticing they had two in my size) and I left the building. So why am I telling you about a dress I didn't buy?

It began calling me at home. I tried to ignore it. I told Tim I tried on this dress for kicks, isn't that funny ha ha! He asked why I didn't get it. Are you kidding? I reminded him of the strapless part, the 'Emily is constantly frozen' part, and the bra dilemma. He reminded me that I am a Tailor, and we did have an anniversary trip coming up.

I bought the dress. Jane even came and saw it. But it would have to have a bra, straps, and sleeves in 2 weeks time.

I have worked on this stupid dress for 2 weeks! It will not be going with us on the trip. However, Tim is leaving on a 2 week trip for the mountains, maybe by then.

In the mean time remind me next time that I don't really like doing my own alterations.



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