Refining

Our 9 th anniversary was last Wednesday May 30th. We took a small trip to a city close by, and played off the school year and on the summer. We talked about how much fun we have and how perfect God has made our love. We also tried to imagine what that love would become in the next 9 yrs, 20 yrs, 50 yrs; but we failed miserably. I think there is a part of me that can begin to understand why God cursed the earth and set us down in it, in these sad little packages we call bodies allowing us to continue. We were obviously not ready.

We were not ready for the abundant perfect love of God. We didn't understand it. Without knowing what it was like to not see and walk with God everyday; we took advantage and fell. Without the absence we did not fully appreciate the presence. God is preparing us individually to know. To know His Love, so we will learn to see it, and desire it, and so we will learn not to corrupt it

In my life He does that a lot with Tim. God says to me, "You see Emily, how Tim loves you? I created that! You were made to be married to Me and Tim is a picture of that. As I refine you, your body will fail, because it was not made to handle the weight of perfect love. Sure it can handle Cancer, but Love is bigger than that. Real Love is like a Cancer that consumes all of who you are. It affects everything."

I love that God made Tim my picture. My love for him does affect everything. I hate being away from him, yet I know that we are together even though apart. It is a picture God has given me that I can better understand, when I can't begin to understand God.

Tim left for the Grand Tetons today with his parents for 2 weeks. I miss him already. He is my other half, every thing I am not, he completes me. It will, however, be good for us to remember what its like not being around each other so that we can more fully appreciate each others presence. Less and less I remember life before Tim; where I stop and he starts. Nine years is not a long time but long enough to speculate what that is all about. I think I am growing to realize, our bodies are designed to be refined away as our understanding of love grows, making age simply a byproduct of learning how to love, how to be loved, and what love is. We will not ever fully know as we are known while we are still here. We can learn to love, and be loved maybe, but to know what love really is? Our bodies are too weak, the more we understand, the weaker they get, more refined if you will.

Praying for a long and happy life is common and most know that I am 'whatever' about the long part, but I think God did that on purpose. I can't imagine that my refining process could take as long as others with the beautiful love of my dearest husband by my side. Already, there are those days that I wonder how it could possibly get any deeper and yet it does. God has gifted me with the Love of a lifetime wrapped him in the finest package and called him Tim. So as long as Tim is here give me a long happy life and the three of us will deal with the refining fires of this earth together.

I love you Babe! Happy Anniversary! Have a ball in the Tetons!