The Doctors

Start from the beginning

All this time I had been confident that I had not done irreparable damage to my fingers. If you can cut a finger off and reattach it, then the fact that mine were still attached was better. Right?

Dr Barry came in to clean me up, and then he brought a friend, and then talk began of cutting off my finger. One of them explained that there was nothing to keep, all the bone in the first knuckle of my index finger was gone, "See." Tim had to sit down at that point. For me it still didn't sink in. An hour ago I was fine, how could I possibly be cutting off fingers now? was my thought. Apparently they decided to get more help and Tim began trying to prepare me for what was coming, gently edging me to understand that they were going to come back and want to take them off, tonight. I was reluctant to believe him.

Soon enough, 5 doctors/residents plus or minus a nurse or two came in and did just that. My mind began to race:

How could they be saying this, I still have fingers I can see them. ... Emily you are being irrational I was saying to myself It will be so ugly I don't want ugly fingers! ... That is just vain, plenty of people live without fingers ... I am young, That is a 'rest-of-my-life' thing.
Dr. Weinfeld must have discerned this, "OK it isn't like you don't have options, It is your finger, We can try. There is a small possibility that it could heal without a bone, that would mean you would have a pretty useless floppy fingertip, We can always cut it off later."

useless is fine as long as it looks normal I thought. I knew I would wonder forever if it could have been saved if I didn't try to save it now.

"OK then,"Tomorrow report to admissions at 9:00" said Dr Weinfeld, as another Dr sewed my fingers together again and wrapped them for the night "Here are prescriptions for the night, Vicodin, for pain, and Antibiotic, make sure to keep your hand elevated"

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